Everyone knows that when you get married, your life changes. When Jeffrey and I recently tied the knot, we were advised by the older and wiser that the first year of marriage is the hardest. But so far, it has been fantastic. Don’t get me wrong; just because married life is proving to be bliss does not mean there haven’t been any of those aforementioned changes. Recently, I realized that the “married life changes” that I am adjusting to are all coincidentally related to the fact that Jeffrey is a web developer, a.k.a Geek.
So I’ve put together a list of the major changes that have surprised and humored me the most. Developers: this one is for your spouses, not you.
1 - I Actually Know What a Web Dev is
I always assumed a web developer was some person who worked on computers and sometimes made pretty web pages. Simple. End of story. I don’t think Jeffrey would have consented to marrying me if I didn’t get it all straightened out. I am proud to say that I now have a mild understanding of Ruby, jQuery and PHP. Oh, and there IS a difference between Flash and JavaScript. That’s a big one.
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Sweet pea – not “Flash and JavaScript” … “Java and JavaScript.” Close though!
2 - Sunblock and Aspirin are a Must
Much like vampires, web developers, too, can burst into flames when in direct sunlight.
Much like vampires, web developers, too, can burst into flames when in direct sunlight. Instead of dealing with a burned husband who refuses to leave the safety of his dark, cozy computer lair, I keep a bottle of SPF 70 handy. As for the aspirin? Geeks, especially web dev geeks, spend 75% of their lives looking at screens. Ironically, to take a break from one screen, they often simply migrate to another. My husband will spend the afternoon working on the computer only to suggest we see that new Pixar movie at the cinema later that evening. Screen headaches are bound to happen to even the best of them.
3 - The Bed is a Hub for All Electronics
I think we all remember the great wine spill of 2010.
Somehow, our bed has turned into the charging station for all laptops and portables. The old charging area has now been deemed by my husband as too dangerous. (I think we all remember the great wine spill of 2010.) But, this new bed setup has lead me to have two major phobias. One fear is that I’ll be strangled in my sleep by a laptop charger. There is also the anxiety that, while sleeping, I’ll knock Jeff’s computer or the iPad off the bed and onto the hard floor, smashing it into pieces. Any more gadgets added to the king size charging zone and I may develop a complex.
4 - I Don’t Dress Up to Get his Attention
When we first began dating, I wore sexy little outfits and flirty dresses. Now I find that, if I am surfing for compliments or affection, all I have to wear is a geeky shirt.
I got the hint when he would see a nerdy, retro shirt and immediately purchase it for me. I’ve forgotten how uncomfortable stilettos can be. If I think his computer is getting too much face time, I just slip into a Super Mario, Rocko’s Modern Life, or Star Trek shirt to redirect his priorities (All “presents” from him; note the quotations.)
5 - Back-up Plans A, B, and C are a Necessity
You see, dinner and movie times are dependent on pending export, download and upload times. Too many nights, we have changed dinner locations or seen a different movie because some file is not exporting fast enough.
The most overused phrase is, “Just one more minute and then we can go.”
I am no longer fooled by him. It is never only one more minute. Back up plans are a necessary evil.
6 – I Don’t Care if he Hits on Other Girls
Now before you go and get the wrong idea, we are not swingers. There is a catch.
I don’t care if he hits on other girls…just as long as they are digital.
I love cuddling up on the couch with some popcorn and watching Jeffrey play Fallout, Fable or Mass Effect. It is like watching an action movie or a soap opera, but I get to pick what the main character says, who he kills and who he tries to get into bed with. What fun! I was particularly angry when he messed up his relationships with both the British chick and the blue alien chick in Mass Effect.
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Yes, Mass Effect folks; I ended up with the bald chick. It’s not like I wanted it to turn out that way!
7 - That Damn White Space
Whenever I find a new piece of furniture or hang some art on the wall, I am constantly reminded about how I need to be mindful of “white space.” Apparently dabbling in web design makes you an expert in how to properly decorate a house. Bah!
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Thanks for using the word, “dabble.”
8 - All Gifts are High Tech
What I really wanted for Christmas was a good, simple flat iron. What I got was a high tech monster! Sure, it was a hair straightener; but this thing was stainless steel, digital, and, with the right calculations, could contact a space station. I am terrified to let him pick me up any feminine products for fear of what he might bring home. Perhaps the original iPad?
9 - My House is an Enchanted Forest
[...] It is the sound of various media alerts.
Let me clarify. My house sounds like an enchanted forest. From the moment I wake up, all I hear is the sound of trills, chirps and whistles. But unlike a Disney princess, I am not greeted by animated birds, woodland creatures or fairies. It is the sound of various media alerts from Twitter, Facebook, Email, and Yammer that wake me up and fill my home with magic. Even better, the alerts are duplicated across his laptop and phone. Yay!
10 - DVDs are Restricted
I’ve had to listen to Jeffrey’s predictions about the demise of video rental stores for years, and his criticisms of Blockbuster’s business decisions. Now he has eradicated all DVDs from our home and is forcing me to appreciate exactly how we are able to watch our TV shows and movies. For example, I am required to ooh and aww when the movie we are watching is streaming across our 50mbps local network, into our Mac Mini media center…all without an ounce of buffering.
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: I wasn’t making “predictions” about Blockbuster years ago. I was reciting events that hadn’t yet taken place. Prophecy…or pre-facts.
11 - 8-Bit Music
Somehow, video game music is on my iPod. Do you know how weird (at times, embarrassing) it is to be listening to Katy Perry one moment and then the music from Super Metroid begins to play? I’ve almost driven off the road before when the Star Wars Imperial March started blasting out of my speakers!
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Super Metroid is the greatest game ever made. You should have thanked me for being nice enough to put that game’s soundtrack on your iPod.
12 - “You Gotta Have Rules”
“Please get off your phone,” is a common phrase.
“Please get off your phone,” is a common phrase, and we don’t even have kids yet. I have to enforce the “no technology” rule on date night and at the dinner table. I know it is work related, but it is necessary for you web devs to take a break from phones and computers on nights out and weekends. I am not above confiscating his phone and hiding it in my massive purse where he could never find it.
13 - Knock Knock Knock, Penny!
I know now why I find The Big Bang Theory such a fun show to watch. It closely parallels my own life. Like Penny, I’ve had to navigate my way through the geek world. The other day, I patiently listened as my husband described a whole episode of STNG (Star Trek: The Next Generation, for the non-geeks among you), and how the crew encountered a temporal anomaly (they sure do encounter a lot of those on that show). When he goes on these tangents, I often think, “What would Penny do?”
Editor/Jeffrey’s Note: Okay – firstly, it was a 30 second story of the episode; hardly a tangent. Secondly, it’s a kick butt episode that you still haven’t watched yet. (It’s the one where the crew keeps repeating the same period of time, ultimately blowing up the ship each iteration.)
14 - Resistance is Futile.
I have been assimilated. I am now a geek, too.
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Looking for such a partner :)
WOW! i didnt need to read this to know my husband was a GEEK!
but the article was right on!!! ALL 14 of them.
gosh i feel the pain, i use to have the same problem. he couldn’t stay away from electronics during date night. but, quickly put a stop to it. and all he talks about is “php” “jquery” blah blah
he works all week.. now any normal person would want the weekend for themselves, but no not my husband.. he would not see the light of day..he’d not even know if sunday came and went! he would sit on the sofa and with his eyes peeled to his mac.
and the funny thing is that it dont phase him one bit.
But i love my Geek… ALLL!
Alison thank you for this,I to have been assimilated,having never been interested in geeks I was surprised when I met mine,not the anti social(but this is sometimes debatable when I have to switch of the xbox for attention) boring guy I expected.But rather a intelligent,funny and caring man that at the age of 30 still loves playing at the arcade cartoons and theme rides and of course pc/xbox/playstation games!!Him being a web developer to I at least know about the different coding languages but when he starts explaining i lose him at “it works like this…”! And might I just add that i’m seeing a lot of geeks pairing up with either geek girls or arty chicks…
Thank you so much for writing an article that looks at the tidbits of living with a geek. Although not married yet, I have experienced many of these points with my current boyfriend. He is a web developer as well and I know all too well the conversation that seems to be more abbreviated than a thirteen year old text addict. Although it can be very frustrating to identify the difference between work and play for them (they enjoy headaches way too much), its the little things that they do that make them so much more special than the average joe. Ive had to learn to understand that a web developers lifestyle is very unique, but as mentioned by other visitors, they still live their childhood through their projects. He has inspired me to begin a blog (not close to web developing) but its a start! And I already love video games so that wasnt hard to intergrate into my lifestyle. Thanks again Allison!
“…I know all too well the conversation that seems to be more abbreviated than a thirteen year old text addict.”
Haha! So spot on! I bought a new house plant today and a spiffy new planter. I completely got it set up, walked past him (twice) and put it on top of our china cabinet in the dining room. It has been hours and he hasn’t even noticed. He has been working on some snippet or something. :) He couldn’t do much this morning with a major screen headache.
I’m slightly worried you and I are married to the same man this is so accurate lol!!
He he I really enjoyed to read this… My girlfriend would love to know that she’s not alone, and since we are going to get married in just two months, this is a “must” read for her.
Thanks Allison!
u are definitively describing ME …
Fantastic article! Totaly recognize everything. Much of my relationships has been with geek girls, so kind of like boost eachothers geekiness. Only danger with that is you a social surrounding that also is geeky and then you turn to a “geek chassids” society.
PS. I also love that episode of STNG. :)
Thankfully, my friends helped me being ‘not so Sheldon’
Awww you’re so cute, i love geeks too, and i’m a geek :D
This is great, Ill have to show the wife.
Whoa, now I know how my GF feels/ thinks :D
50Mbps LAN, come on, my mother-in-law has that! We should be talking in Gbps here :) Nice list.
If i find a partner like you who really understands the geeks like you have described, i am ready to marry her this very instant.
hehe I have one of these! I’ve been instructed to stop referring to our new baby as “Bug” because he thinks it’s mean (Bugs are problems in a computer programme that drive programmers insane). Gotta Love them.
That description is completely accurate, even though I’m still missing a few of those things in my geek.
The ‘migrates from the computer to a laptop’ is so true and was the most hilarious portion.
Awesome!!!
Best article in here.
Really great article! Fun to read and gets me to think of the way people act. haha :)
I will give this to read to my wife. :)
Your husband is the nerd equivalent of a douchebag. I’m a pretty hard-core nerd (and a web dev at that), and this generalization of web devs is just sad. I would never expect a woman to change to fit my personality. If only nerds with my personality interested me, I’d only go for them. It really sounds like this guy doesn’t give much of a shit about you, and is totally self-absorbed. A guy that doesn’t appreciate a girl getting made up for them is stupid.
It seems like you’ve given up and decided that it’s easier to live life how he’d like you to live life, than it would be to get him to appreciate you for what you are. I’m sorry to hear this. Find someone that appreciates you for you.
Ryan — Are you aware that this is a comedic post? You seem like an angry person. Perhaps you should get off the computer for a bit and go outside. Thanks for the nice words.
A marriage is about sharing even if its 8-bit music and stories about sci-fi episodes.
What can’t be denied it’s that the likes of both collide and both learn about each other interests.
Wow. If that is what you got from this article, then you are completely missing my point. First of all—It is a joke! It isn’t very nice of you to leave a post like this. When you find that special person, you find things about them you never thought you would like or love. But it fits! I will get into Legend of Zelda and he will go see a Twilight movie with me. (Sorry for publicly announcing this Jeff.) We both enjoy ourselves and we aren’t caving into one another. We genuinely enjoy one another’s interests. I am not some fragile woman bowing to her husband. Jeffrey is not a douche. He is a strong, sensitive and loving person. We have a wonderful, fun and thriving marriage. So go find some other thread where you can leave your mean comments. They are not warranted here.
Oh, and you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Jeff! You became an Assimilated Twi-Hard as well? I feel your pain man.
I am not sure what to think. Either way this is jealousy or you truly don’t know the meaning of serious relationship to share a life with the one you love.
I prefer to hide my «geekiness».
i’m 29 years Old and i’ve never had a girl friend nor a wife. is it because i am a web developer…LOL!!!!
highly amusing read, nice one =)
I married my geek in June and it’s like you’ve been in my head the last 4 months! SO true!
fun to read! makes me realize, I’m a little geek too. haha
This all sounds a bit too familiair. Cool read :-)
Good to know am not the only one giving a “geek” time to my wife. <3
I have to thank everyone again for being so open and kind! It was such a fun article to write! Yay!
hey ,
i want action script learning plz guide me
The wife really related to this.. a few different notes as i’m a nuclear engineer and not a webdev (my tangents relate to sub atomic particles, synchrotrons, and femtosecond lasers and way too much math for her liking)… But the on the whole still hits pretty close to the bone as i have many geeky habits and more geeky friends.. Also being a blacksmith all gifts are either extreme tech or NO-tech.. It is just as likely for the poor thing to get an ipad as it is a trivet made of metal that it took me all week to hammer into shape.. I’m just lucky she likes gothic and steampunk stuff more than tech stuff.. metal roses always get a guy out of trouble..
I truly enjoyed reading it. Thanks a lot for pointing out such details in a funny way. This article is a must read for my wife as well. Now I came to think of it and compare our 2 years (3rd will start in 5 days), we also truly merged many things which I am sure we both truly didn’t think we would enjoy doing these kind of stuff.
Just to give example;
My wife loves & spends time with PS3 more than I love it or spend time with it. When we were buying it, she was complaining a bit that was not something necessary to buy since I got computer to play games if I want to. That was in the beginning, 2 years passed and she can’t do without PS3.
I watched twilight or sex and the city kind of movies / tv shows with her. I came to realize, (especially but not only ) romantic & comedy movies are actually fun to watch.
Once again, that was a great read Allison, thank you.
I love that STNG Episode, but my mom hates that it.
One of the best and funny articles, I’ve read on here in a while. My wife appreciated this.
I am so glad you two are happy together! That is wonderful. It sounds like a hellish existence to me, but that’s why we have different sorts of men on the planet, right?
The Kelsey Grammer episode. I believe it’s titled “Cause and Effect” and no, I did not just google that. It’s one of my favorite episodes.
Great article! I can completely relate to #3!
Omg, story of my life… o.O
Hilarious article! I’ll have to show my wife so she can realize she’s not alone! LOL
And, Jeff, keep your articles coming! Very informative and helpful in starting my web design/development career. Thanks, you guys!
Geeks Rule.. Jocks Drool! lol
thats all very sweet :)
This was a great article! Sent it to the wife! Thank you Allison!
Simply interesting article. We web developers never expected this. But soon i found it interesting.